Thursday Thirteen: Your Ad Here

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen things you should do to peeve off readers of your blog. Because readers aren’t everything…

1. Make sure you have a bunch of ads appearing on top of the screen, before they even see a first post. Make them EARN the right to see your greatness.

2. Don’t add a link back to your home/ front page. Really, once they’ve clicked away what do you need them back for?

3. Make sure you show them how much you value them as paying customers. Write “Your Ad Here” all over your blog.

4. Use pop up ads. That will really get their attention, they won’t forget you any time soon. Might even tell a few friends.

5. Make them register to see your site. Think of all the email addresses you can snag that way.

6. Use word verification for any comments they try to make. Make sure it’s in some kind of really tiny (or script) font so it won’t be too easy to read. As an added bonus choose colours like blue on black, or something people who are colour blind or otherwise disabled can’t see. That will spare you from all that reader feedback.

7. Put your Google and Alexa rank in prominent places on your blog. Show off your best achievements. Make lots of posts about your blog traffic, your blog stats and how much money your blog is going to make. People just can’t read enough of that.

8. Run at least one long ad down your sidebar with a graphic that flashes and spins and possibly causes seizures in some people. Just plain motion sickness in others.

9. Add videos and music files that will take at least 15 minutes to load for anyone with a less than great Internet connection.

10. Forget all that spelling and grammar and punctuation from school. It’s much more fun to make your own rules and let them figure it out.

11. Run paid ads as regular posts make it sound like you sincerely use the product and fully love it, don’t let on that you’ve been paid for your opinion and your post. Why spoil it for them?

12. Every now and then, just to shake things up, get an ad that takes over your blog. The kind that loads your blog partly and then changes to another page over your blog which is, of course, just a huge ad. This works really well if it’s an adult ad.

13. Run groupings of text link ads between your blog posts. Just like flossing your teeth, it gives your blog readers that little something extra.

14. (An added bonus) Put up an ad for one of those contests they have already won that sends them off to a second site which collects their email and cell phone number. By the time they actually win a free gift card for $5 they’ve given away enough information about themselves to have their identity stolen. All thanks to you, I’m sure that $5 will come in handy.

15. (Another addition) Run something that causes every fifth word in your post to become a hyper link which sends readers to some spam search engine or other junk or sales stuff they don’t want. This is great camouflage for your real links, no one needed to find those anyway.

Finally, good luck. Get more ideas by looking at other blogs. They’re out there!

23 thoughts on “Thursday Thirteen: Your Ad Here”

  1. Couldn’t have said it better, except I would advise adding loud obnoxious music so that on the rare occasion that you might click on at the office–everyone down the hall will hear the blast!

  2. Wow, that’s where I’ve been going wrong…. ; )

    It’s a shame that blogging is regarded as a cash cow by some. As you say though, there are great blogs out there- jsut they’re hard to see around the ads sometimes. I love the catchem, they use just the right colors so that those of us color blind and part blind can’t actually read them. Yep, secure, I’ll never put a comment up there, no risk from me…

    Great post = )

  3. I’d forgotten about the colours and tiny fonts in word verification. Added those too. Also, all those ads where they say you have already won something and then make you fill out all kinds of information to get anything. Even if you give up they still save whatever you did fill out before you closed the window. I bet those ads get a huge amount of people tricked into giving out a lot of personal information.

  4. @ Kay – Loud music is true too. I don’t work in an office where I use the Internet for anything personal. At least I don’t myself, others do. I’ve got all my stuff on my PC at home and it’s easier to blog from here than at work.

  5. Bravo. I find I instantly fall in love with people who do not make me pass a typing test (aka word verification) to post my comment. My little heart jumps and I think, “This will be painless!”

    I had a few run-ins with the under-cover porn bloggers and their over and under ads. Funny enough, these blog owners are the most wholesome bloggers you could imagine. Behind closed doors–variously contorted naked people upon naked people.

    Thanks for saying all that needed to be said!

  6. LOL! I am so with Kay! Every time I click on my friend’s blog, I forget about the music and I’m quickly scrambling for the mute button. Guesst that’s what I get for reading blogs at work :}

  7. LOVE the Post! A great way to get the point across.

    One of my personal favorites is the red lettering on a blue background. Makes your eye balls pop out and hurt to just look at it. ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. Excellent advice, Laura! Since I’m doing it all wrong, I guess I won’t be seeing any reader on my blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

    The nausea-inducing ads really, really bother me. Sometimes I feel like I should take some Dramamine before surfing.

  9. Holy mackerel, gf! I’m going to be seeing these in an email that I need to forward to 10 of my friends in order to see the angel flapping her wings — I just KNOW it!

    You’ve managed to touch on nearly everything that turns me on about blogs and in such a cute way!

    Good SHOW!

    รชยฟรช

  10. I was going to add the music that Kay already mentioned – frankly, that bothers me more than the floss-ads between the posts! Floss is a good metaphor for those – or like a thong in a butt-crack…
    Like a thong in a butt-crack, so are the blogs that advertise…

    (and yes, one of my blogs has ads on it!!!!)

  11. This is a good list. You hit the nail on the head most of the time. The word verification thing bothers me a lot. How many people really need such high security anyhow?

  12. Thank you for your advice. I am quite new to blogging so it has helped me to know what to put on my blog. I will use all of your suggestions but I may leave the music off. I think that might be just a bit too much.

    Joking, of course ;O)

  13. Great post! These are all such good points, and very well presented. Nothing makes me click away faster than blasting music or flashing ads.

    And you brought up a really good one that a lot of people don’t think about: not providing a “back home” link. People sometimes want to go back home!

    And if a blog makes it hard for me to comment: Voila! I won’t comment!

    JD at I Do Things

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