Stop… I’m Not Ready

Sharon Crawford has a writer group based in the east end of Toronto, East End Writers. If you are in the area join the group and go to the events.

I was reading Sharon’s blog, Only Child Writes Blog. She writes about being the only child to older parents. In one post she began writing about only children being lonely. She wrote that she married after her Mother died and later divorced by the time she was 30. She said she wasn’t ready for marriage. I read that phrase over and over, usually about marriage. Of course, I don’t know everyone’s personal experience but I feel suspicious about this outlook on marriage.

Based on my own experience with marriage when I married a man my own age, in our early 30’s. I still remember having doubts before getting married. My Mother said, “When will you ever know for sure, when will you ever be ready?” I’ve never forgotten that. It is very true. When are you ready to be married and take on all that? When are you ready to have a baby and take on all that? When are you ready to get old and look old and take on all of that?

I don’t think anyone ever gets up one day and feels they are fully adult and can handle all the life experiences like marriage, children, old age and death. Not to mention the man made things like taxes, insurance, government, lawyers, etc. Even if you have been independent and out in the world awhile, no one person is really capable of tackling everything as if they were a robot with super intelligence, super strength and no¬†emotions¬†to get in the way.

I posted a comment to the blog:

No one is ready for marriage when they do it. It brings a lot of changes, a whole new life with another person who brings all their ways of doing things, how they think about things and what they did in their family. In my own marriage my husband changed his mind about being married, he wanted out because he didn’t want to work on things and become an adult. He was over age 30 at the time but still wanted to reclaim what he thought of as his lost youth. I sometimes felt I was married to a kid, but I never felt I was a grown up then, or now when I’m 45. You just cope, grow along with life. I don’t think we are ever really ready for any of the big things in life, right from birth to death.

What do you think? Were you ready when you got married? Were you ready when you had children? Were you ready when you sent that kid out into the world to school? How long do you think it would take to be ready if you aren’t ready, what would you need to finally be perfectly ready? How old will you be when that great day comes and how much of your life would you have missed while you got ready for it all?

1 thought on “Stop… I’m Not Ready

  1. Hi Laura:

    My original comment got lost in cyberspace or got sent before I finished. So,here we go again with the same thoughts.

    Thanks again for your plug for the East End Writers’ Group. And your comment on my blog.

    Are we ever ready? I don’t know. I do know that when we look back in hindsight we can learn from our experiences but at the same time we have to move forward so we don’t stagnate. As I move further into older age or senility as some people call it, I realize that I was definitely not mature enough for marriage when I married and ditto for when my son was born. But, I wouldn’t change it only for the reason that the marriage did give me my son. After the split from my husband I had a slow learning curve to develop some maturity. And I’m still learning.

    Cheers.

    Sharon
    Only child writes

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