I’ve been looking at some sites for writers today. Some of them have writing exercises, some have just a lot of links, some try to be a support group with message boards and chat. It made me think about what I have as my own support group here. In my life, outside of the blogworld, I have a pressure group.
My family think writing is a waste of time, nothing will ever come of it, etc. The pressure me to move on and forget it all. They remind me of every bill I need to pay, everything I don’t have, and all the time I’m wasting. That’s all just pressure. I think some people try to be supportive, when they have time or think about it. But, it just feels like more pressure that way. I remember any sincere compliments but most of the time people just ask how the writing is going, am I done that book yet…? It’s not going all that well.
I feel so pressured to pop out something and I can’t find even a starting point to write it all. I think that’s why I am okay writing short articles and short stories. They only need a momentary focus and a burst of inspiration and then in an hour or so they emerge, complete. Writing a book isn’t like that. Still, I have to find my way. It is something I want to do. For the money, yes but also for myself. I want to have something big I took on and won. It would be nice. It’s so easy to get sidetracked though.
I don’t think a support group is going to help much now. I can’t hear that and take it as support any more. I just feel more pressure, as if there are more people waiting, expecting me to perform. I need to find my own way in this. I don’t know how anyone else can help. Not at this point. It all has to come out of my own brain anyway. There is certainly enough packed up in there. You’d think it would be simple to squirt some out onto a blank page. I don’t have writer’s block in the traditional sense. I just have no idea how to begin, where to start.
I think I will take a break from trying for the rest of the daylight hours. I’ve been hearing about how cold it is outside but I will brave the weather anyway. I checked the bus route schedule so I can time it and not be stuck waiting out in -14C for long. Unless I miss the bus of course. Ug.