Retiring my Old HubPages Profile

Laura is secretly handling the Canadian World Domination plot. It’s all very polite and litter free but for the odd moose rampage.

Laura is an eccentric and reclusive ASCII artist. In her spare time she is a freelance writer, running several blogs and social media type sites. She calls herself an Earth Witch (or a Pagan atheist) when no one in particular is listening.

Laura disappears for hours, even days on urban and rural explorations. She travels with the wrong shoes and the right Ontario road map, looking for ruined buildings and abandoned farm houses.

Laura collects postcards, stones, old Canadian coins, bone china bouquets, hand drawn maps, dust bunnies, books about writing, dragons (real ones) and assorted oddities to which she won’t confess. She likes to crochet, embroider, crazy quilt and sew. Her Grandmother used to say, “Once Laura sews on a button it never comes off again.”

“Adorable, in a wicked, modest way that only the ego-maniacal can pull off.” – Says Gracie (friend and fellow web writer).

“This girl writes like other people breathe.” Comment from a regular reader.

Canadian freewriting niche blogger. Online since 1996.

This profile was written by Laura who thinks no one should have to type their own name this many times in a row.


Just seemed like time for a change. Not even sure what I will do with two accounts on the same site. I would have stuck to just one but with the merge from Squidoo we all had to start fresh, new accounts on HubPages.

Where Would you Wish to Wake up Tomorrow?

Where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?

I’d like to wake up in a very clean hotel room bed with crisp, white sheets. The room is high, a top floor or nearly so. The location is a big city somewhere in the world. One wall of the hotel room is just a huge window and I can see outside. It is a clear day, a few clouds and maybe a chance for rain.

When I get out of bed I look down on the street below. Everything is tiny, a miniature city spread out with a lake or ocean and far, far away I can see the beginning of the suburban areas and maybe even the green of some rural places.

I debate ordering room service or getting dressed to go to the big farmer’s market which is just a block away from the hotel and has fabulous coffee and loads of fresh fruit and vegetables. The room service wins, only because I want to stay in longer so I can enjoy the great new shower soap, shampoo and conditioner I brought with me. So I order an amazing breakfast and ask them to bring it in half an hour.

Stepping in the shower, making sure the huge thick towel is set out, I take my time in a steamy hot shower looking forward to eggs, bacon, coffee on fancy china with cloth napkins and all the luxurious extras.

Canadian Themed Teacup and Saucer Collection

Today I found the second of these Canadian series of bone china teacups and saucers. I love to have something nice, sort of romantic and traditional and Canadian too.

But, I’ve learned to be less casual about what I bring home as a collection of anything. If a collection does nothing but gather dust bunnies, unseen by human eyes most of the year… why do you really keep it around? The dust bunnies don’t lack for entertainment.

Think of something you have collected but never use, almost never see and could really do without. Bring your collection out where you can see it. Clean and dust it off, make it look presentable again. Then take some photographs of it all. Take close ups of patterns and details you like. Take far off shots to include the whole set. Take as many photographs as you want, all the photos you need to remember your collection and the reasons you valued it.

Now write about why you should keep the collection or how it’s time you let it go and gave yourself the space, removed clutter from your life. Write for and against keeping it. Debate with yourself and be fair to both sides of the argument. When you’ve finished writing the debate either keep the collection displayed where you can see it and enjoy it or find a new home for it. Most things can be┬ádonated┬áto a local charity where they can be auctioned off or sold to someone else who will treasure and value them.


Life in a Small House

You’ve just won a free house! Of course you are very excited, feeling like you just won the lottery. It comes with the land it is built on and a free trailer hitch (which is kind of odd but you don’t put much thought into it at the time). When you arrive to claim the house and property the lawyer has you sign a bunch of stuff, some of it you read and it all seems straight forward. You actually own a house, all paid for!

When you drive out to see it, plans of moving in, furniture arranging and gardens floating around in your mind, it’s a bit of a shock. Yes, the property is there and there is a lot of land, all you could really ever desire with a lot of fruit trees and vegetable gardens. But… the house is tiny. Minuscule even. You wonder if your queen sized bed will even fit in there let alone your computer desk, china cupboard and the leather sofa you bought out of misguided love a year ago.

Still, it is a house. A home of your own. No money to pay for it. All yours. You can live there for just the annual costs due to the government and utilities not included. So it’s a little small. That’s not all bad. You talked about getting rid of some clutter. Now you can.

When you start really breathing again, what plans do you make? Will you move in, keep it but rent it perhaps or do you just keep some of the land and sell the house?

Finding Food and Water in the Laboratory

“Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, or more violent. It takes a touch of genius- and a lot of courage- to move in the opposite direction.” – Albert Einstein

This is just what your soon-to-be ex mad inventor husband says right before he shrinks you down to the size of a split pea with his new ray gun invention. You’re still getting over the shock as he scoops you up and puts you in the pocket of his lab coat. Luckily, you were the practical one in this marriage, so you use the scissors in your purse to cut a hole in his pocket and escape before you find out (the hard way) about his other latest inventions. It was also lucky that he wasn’t moving around a lot while you climbed down the threads of his lab coat, it was a long drop to the floor.

So now you’re living in the world of dust bunnies, at least it shouldn’t be permanent. None of his inventions every worked THAT well. Just remembering his idea of the better dishwasher makes you tighten your hands into fists, all that broken glass and china and him insisting that he just needs to get out the bugs. After that he invented eldercare cybernurse. At least it was his own Mother he tested that on. The police finally tracked her down a year later, alive but more confused than ever. On the plus side, his shrink ray gun only seems to have effected your size, not your mind.

First, you need to find a place where you are safe from being stepped on or attacked by that beady-eyed cockroach you see slithering around in the corner. Things sure are a lot bigger from this angle. It takes a lot of doing but you find a long lost tea cup under his desk. Luckily it wasn’t too hard to roll it over and make it tip back onto it’s saucer. Kind of an upside down UFO. There is just enough room for you to push yourself inside under the rim. Not enough room for the cockroach to do anything but bump into it. So now you’re safe, for awhile. A glass of water would be nice.

How do you find food and water when you’re the size of a split pea and have to avoid dust bunnies, spiderwebs, cobwebs and other creatures of the shadowy realms of the dusty laboratory?

A Love Letter from a Gentleman

You find an old hope chest from Great Aunt Daisy. It’s stuffed full of old linens, china and letters from her lifetime. Reading the letters is a trip back through time. One is a love letter from a man you know was not Great Uncle Edwin. It’s lovely, written by someone who very much cared, with romance, passion and not at all overly mushy or slutty.

Have you ever written a real love letter? How would you begin it and how would it end?

The Great Tea Party Festival

It’s the Great Tea Party Festival! You dress up in something light and frilly and bring out your prettiest china to serve the tea and dainty little cakes. The table is set with a lace tablecloth, flowery cloth napkins, your best china (with a floral pattern of course) and there are roses in a vase as your centrepiece. It’s beautiful, like something out of a Victorian fashion magazine.

Your friends and their daughters come over and everyone has a great time at the Great Tea Party Festival. After the clean up you are free to go out and walk down Main Street with everyone else for the Great Tea Party Festival Parade. All the women (and some of the men) parade down the street wearing their tea party dresses. A few men are all dressed up in old fashioned suits with hats and gloves and they join the parade too.

It all ends just as the light is fading into evening and everyone gathers at the Community Centre for a little socializing and a bake sale.

What kind of tea did you serve at your Great Tea Party Festival?

Fortune… or Lack of It

You’re out for dinner, a Chinese restaurant. This restaurant is famous for it’s fortune cookies. They write all their own fortunes, nothing stamped out of a machine here. The old Chinese woman writes them out as she watches each person come through the door. After dinner you’re presented with her prediction, tailored for you personally.

So you’re kind of excited to see what your fortune will be. How do you feel when your fortune cookie is cracked open and you find… nothing. It’s empty, no little scrap of paper.

On your way out of the restaurant you pass by the old woman. She’s still there, not suddenly called back to China, not passed out from too much free food, or any other weird reason you can think of for your fortune to be missed. She looks up as you walk by, stars into your eyes and shakes her head slightly. What does she mean by that!

Most importantly… was this a sign? What happens with the rest of your day, the next day, the next week…?

The New Latte

You’ve had caramel lattes, french vanilla lattes, cinnamon lattes and just about every latte ever poured and steamed into a paper or china cup. But, there’s a $1000 prize to anyone who can come up with a new best selling latte, all season. What are your ideas? One more thing, the contest closes in one hour so you have to hustle!