The Most Odious Woman Alive

Gloria – Gilmore Girls Wiki.

Are you a Gilmore Girls fan? Do you remember when Richard took Rory to golf at the country club and they met “The Most Odious Woman Alive”?

We never found out what was so awful about her. So, put it to your imagination… how would an ordinary looking woman who doesn’t seem to be anything especially bad or good become known as “The Most Odious Woman Alive”?

To Read or Not to Read

Date A Girl Who Reads

I’ve been rather late on this, but a lovely little essay has been making rounds on the Internet, apparently in response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date An Illiterate Girl. Rosemarie Urquico writes:

You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

 

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

Jan. 19, 2011

ByCharles Warnke

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

House Sitter

Would you take a job as a house sitter? It seems pretty glamorous to live somewhere else and get paid for it. But, there would be a lot of responsibility as well. Not the same as a property manager but still a good idea to have some of those same knowledge and skills. I thought it was a career worth looking up. If not for me, it could always be a career for a character I write, they can’t all be bookstore owners.

White Girl Problems

Problems that only stereotypical middle to upper class white girls seem to encounter. To the untrained eye these problems might seem like a symptom of being spoiled, ungrateful, and overly obsessed with superficial appearances and material possessions. The truth is though life is like really hard.

via Urban Dictionary: white girl problems. Write a few white girl problems of your own. (The secret is not to take it seriously).

  • I lost one of my favourite dangly earrings. Now I have an earring orphan to look after!
  • A thread was hanging from my sweater… is this a sign of a much deeper issue?
  • I get a new toothbrush every day so I never have to think about how old they are.
  • I can only do day trips. I need a lot more supplies for an over night trip, just the thought of packing up all that stuff makes me want to stay home.
  • Sometimes I forget which is the instant camera so I always pull out the memory stick before I throw it away, just to be safe.
  • If people really knew how much it hurts me they would stop calling my dog a rat!
  • I shaved my dog cause she wouldn’t stop shedding all over my clothes.
  • I used a whole can of bug spray before I realized it was just a dust bunny.

Extra links:

Twitter:

Copycats on Twitter – Still active and good too.

Going Beyond Words

From Conversation Agent: Write Killer Copy by Going Beyond Words

These were my favourite points from the list. The whole post is very worth reading.

(5.) Build on the desire to belong

Why do young girls buy a Tiffany & Co. silver bracelet or necklace? Their desire to be fashionable and sophisticated comes at a price point that is affordable today in view of an upgrade tomorrow.

A strategy that paid extremely well for the luxury jeweler, so much so that the company managed to engineer a silver lining. Hence the importance of branding. What can you write about your company or product that will help certain kinds of people you want to appeal to associate with it?

You could see yourself as part of a product fan club without necessarily need to have anything in common with other fans. Tiffany is a good example of what the brand means to the buyer, even at varying price points.

Find the aspirational benefit.

(7.) Make the whole brain work

Ever since I read A Whole New Mind, I’ve been working on including elements of content that speak to intuition and sensation along with thinking and emotion. The feedback I receive about this blog is that I make people think.

That is one of my objectives.

According to scientific research, asking the mind to work hard is also a powerful way of creating a positive, enjoyable, and stimulating effect on the brain. My posts leave plenty of work for the people who are keen on trying on new ideas and executions.

Look for Signs to Lead you to New Things

“Ignore your old life and look for signs that lead you to your new life”.

  • Quote from an episode of Charmed which I happened to leave on after The Gilmore Girls on Cosmo TV.

Isn’t it a great quote. I hope I caught it and wrote it down right. I was sort of watching the show and doing other things. But this registered in my brain. It is so much what I need to do right now. I’ve been on a losing life path for a long time, always going forwards (after awhile) to end up right back where I started. Feeling that I am only getting older and not any better. So this quote was pin pointed for me. Maybe it will be inspiring for others too. 🙂

Write the Future for The Gilmore Girls

I’m watching an old Gilmore Girls show. I wish they could have kept Gilmore Girls on forever, or at least until I’m too old to know my own name any more. I have seen the final episode of The Gilmore Girls just once, so far. I bawled when they closed the show with Rory and Lorelai sitting at the table in Luke’s, having coffee. There is so much left in limbo. In my version of the future Rory and Dean get together again when both are a little older and wiser. I’d like Lorelai to find someone who she really wanted, someone who didn’t start as a friend or become one along the way.

How would you write the future for The Gilmore Girls?