Bring Back The Equalizer

The EqualizerOne 80’s TV show they should make over is, The Equalizer. Does anyone else remember that one? Edward Woodward starred in it. He was an older man, retired from the CIA or something. Kind of a crusty, grumpy old guy at times but he would take up a cause from the little guy and fight for it. But, he stayed on the straight and narrow, if someone lied or became dodgy he didn’t just meekly accept it.

At least that’s how I remember it. The actor, Edward Woodward, died in 2009. (I looked it up). So they can’t bring him back as his Father or Grandfather or anything else like that. It would have to be a new character without links to the old Equalizer, which would work just fine really.

I remember my Dad watching the show. I didn’t usually like all his cop shows, but The Equalizer was different. That show had a personality of it’s own.

I’ve been watching the remake of Beauty and the Beast, based on the 80’s show which starred Linda Hamilton. I’m really disappointed in it. The new show lacks all the romance and poetry and the world building fantasy of the old show. The very things that worked so well have all been stripped away. Instead they have tried to go for a newer angle, newer urban legends. Instead of people living in home made communities under the city they have governments creating super soldiers.

What old 80’s show would you like to see remade and what kind of spin would you put on it to make it new, for this century?

Working as a Writer

“I enjoyed work, I really did. I began to realise how simple life could be if one had a regular routine to follow and fixed hours and a fixed salary and very little original thinking to do. The life of a writer is absolute hell compared with the life of a business man. The writer has to force himself to work. He has to make his own hours and if he doesn’t go to his desk at all there is nobody to scold him. If his is a writer of fiction he lives in a world of fear. Each new day demands new ideas and he can never be sure whether he is going to come up with them or not. Two hours of writing fiction leaves this particular writer absolutely drained. For those two hours he has been miles away, he has been somewhere else, in a different place with totally different people, and the effort of swimming back into normal surroundings is very great. It is almost a shock. The writer walks out of his workroom in a daze. … A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.” – Roald Dahl

Paraprosdokians

This was an email forwarded to my from my Mother today:

PARAPROSDOKIANS

They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and frequently humorous.
Winston Churchill loved them.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.

And one more:

I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

About That Jealousy

“No man is greatly jealous who is not in some measure guilty.”

— Benjamin Whichcote

I like this quote because I’m seldom jealous of others and I don’t understand how people can’t just be happy for each other instead of bitter and jealous. I’m not a robot, I do feel a little envy, but not to the extent where I am bitter or don’t wish them even better/ more success and happiness.

Writing Therapy

Originally posted to SuiteU, part of Suite101. SuiteU is being removed from the site. I wanted to save the ecourses so this resource would not disappear.

Writing Therapy

By Tom Bell

Introduction

You may have always thought you couldn’t write a poem if your life depended on it. It turns out you can and you’ll find out how. It may also turn out that it will improve your health. It’s certainly more fun than visiting doctors. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to write poetry but have never done it.

This course will help get you started writing a poem or two. It will also teach you to play with forms so you learn how to write what they call “experimental” poetry since playing, action, and expression are important in “experimenting” or trying to write a poem.

While there has always been speculation that writing has health benefits, it is only recently that a solid body of good psychological evidence has appeared which is starting to document how / why this is true! You will get an introduction to this growing body of research and some thoughts on what health issues it affects.

Read more

Selling Manuscripts

Originally posted to SuiteU, part of Suite101. SuiteU is being removed from the site. I wanted to save the ecourses so this resource would not disappear.

Selling Manuscripts

By Dawn Whitmire

Introduction

You’ve just finished your manuscript or maybe you have the finish line in sight. Are you wondering what next? In between editing your book and preparing the query letter to your targeted agent or editor, there’s a step you must take….writing the synopsis.

If you’re like I was a few years back, your face is wrinkling right now and the dread is settling in. What if I were to tell you it didn’t have to be that way? What if I could show you a quick, precise way to write your synopsis and make it as enjoyable as writing the manuscript? What if I could make you look forward to your book’s ending just so you could get to the synopsis? Or maybe even help you to write the synopsis as you wrote the book.

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Dating for Joy

Each year there is a Valentine’s Day boost for online dating. Then it slacks off awhile. People might have met someone, then been disappointed and take a break from the dating thing until the official end of Winter hibernation. Or, they met someone and it actually worked out. Most likely, in my experience, they met men who were married, or too young and then they lost interest in the male species for awhile. That’s where I am with the dating phenomena.

People tend to have all kind of rules for who they will date. Most of  the rules seem a bit too tightly wound. Like only dating someone who dresses the “right ” way. I’d be happy with a guy who can dress himself (grooming and clothes that don’t fall off/ reveal his boxer shorts) and not be a Momma’s boy. Just Single Parents, just people who want kids, just gay, just straight, just local (dating singles in London, Toronto, Singapore, where ever you are), just dog lovers, these kind of things are important and make a difference to the chances of success right from the start.

It would be fun to create a character who would not work out at all as a date for yourself. Someone no decent dating agency would suggest to you. Not someone too opposite but someone you know would not work out.

Deadward Buffledon

Single Father of 8 teenagers. Deadward likes to unwind with a good book and a lot of country music. He works a farm and keeps a dog kennel on the side. Deadward would love to find a woman to tame his pack of dogs and teenagers so he could travel more.

Bradley Krackford

Looking for a woman he can take home to Mother. Bradley spends more of his time running errands for his Mother. But he does have a part time job working in a video store. Bradley is an old fashioned romantic who reads and writes poetry. He loves to hug and cuddle.

Derk Mackoy

World traveler with a career that keeps him on the go all year round. Would like to find a travel buddy. Derk has a love for the exotic, high fashion and weird science. His future plans include getting two extra arms either biological arms or mechanical, attached to his body.

Blackie Blackthorn

A reformed ladies man, looking to be a one woman type of guy. Owns a successful business, likes fine dining and spending weekends with someone special. Hobbies include adding to his full body tattoo and finding new body parts to pierce.

Afterwards for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is over for another year. How did you score? Isn’t that a bad way to think of it!

What could be all romance, cuddles and affection has become about retail, shopping and spending. No, I’m not going on a retail rant. I’ve worked retail enough to live and let live. People need to change, if they want to.

But, what did you really want for Valentine’s Day this year? Was it the traditional chocolate and flowers. Did you think about something pretty like jewels or something slinky like erotic lingerie? Maybe you’re more practical and what you really would have liked was a book of poetry? Or a dinner out, a time you can enjoy the meal without the cooking or the clean up.

I would have liked a dinner out. Nothing flashy or fancy. Just a nice meal, conversation and maybe a small surprise gift. I admit I look at the advertising sent out by the jewelry stores at this time of year. I do oogle the pretty, sparkly things. Now and then you see just the ‘right’ brooch. Why doesn’t he just know what you want? Does he need that ESP antennae adjusted again? Is it unfair to men to expect them to know what we want? I don’t really think so. If they listened they would hear us saying we want or need this and that. I don’t mean ordinary things like cooking gadgets or hair dryers or toasters. No, something nice, something that says “You really are my Valentine”.

Helping men shop for Valentine’s Day gift ideas

Of course, it goes both ways. What did you get him for Valentine’s Day? A tie you wish he would wear but know he won’t? A fresh new pair of socks? Undies? It is hard to know what to get a man for something kind of romantic. They pretend they aren’t romantic at all. But, ignore that. The smart woman has paid attention and knows what he needs and would really like to see wrapped up with a red bow….

No, not anything slutty (though we won’t try to pretend that isn’t on his list).

I’ve seen a grown man crack the biggest happy smile when his girlfriend sent him flowers, delivered to his office. Now, if she had asked him if he would like flowers… I’m sure he would have said no, in some nice way. But, actually having them made his day in a big way.

Each guy is different though. Just like we tell them, you have to listen, pay attention. It will come up in conversation, at one time or another.

It helps if you already know what he likes. My husband liked Batman and sort of dark horror like zombies, even before they became popular. So, if I noticed something that would stroke his Batman or zombie fetish, I knew I had something he would like. But, is it romantic to give your husband a T-shirt about brain eating zombies for Valentine’s Day? Well, romance is in the eye of the beholder.

Nowadays, as a single, divorced woman I have a new appreciation for slinky things. Just for myself. I like to look on sites like Ann Summers and window shop. It doesn’t cost me anything. If I were not single I might get the catalogue sent so I could suggestively leave my favourite selections for him to find on his computer keyboard and other places I know he won’t miss them.

I’d really be impressed if a man I was dating bought me a locket or a charm bracelet though. For him to know how much I like traditional, romantic, pretty things – that would be a great Valentine’s Day.

Think about a Valentine gift for a character you have written of the opposite gender. What would your character love for Valentine’s Day, something they would never actually admit for fear of sounding overly mushy, sappy and sensitive?

Can You Write Like a Useless Man?

The Useless Men have been around a few years. They’d like to be famous (in a Canadian way). In the past they wrote more often, posted more often to their original blog. But, the style is still there. Some of the Useless Men are still there too. I know of two on Twitter @rainypete and @Jodster99. You can read the original blog or the newer Tumblr blog.

Have a look at the style of the Useless Men. It’s question and answer so you will need to write the question (or get someone to write one for you) and then answer it too. While you’re there, give the Useless Men a new question. Keep them in practice.