No Girl Needs a Husband Seven Days a Week

At the back of a book I finished reading last night, there is an ad for several other books. One, by Nina Foxx, was titled “No Girl Needs a Husband Seven Days a Week”.

Write out a list with each day of the week. If you don’t have a man in your life create one, even if you do you might like to create one just for fun (or use the one you’re with). Plan out a week of things you need a man around for. (If your’re a man, plan for a wife and this does not include sex and laundry and cooking).

Think about what men and women really need each other for. Things you can’t hire someone to do for you.

The Space Seed Adventure

A little seed fell down from outer space. Of course, it wasn’t an ordinary seed, otherwise it would have just burnt up in Earth’s atmosphere. Instead, it fell into an ordinary garden in an ordinary backyard in Ontario. The seed landed on a garden bed and luckily the gardener was watering that day. The seed was washed down into a crack in the dirt and surrounded by water. It had the chance to root and took it!

At first the gardener, who was a middle aged woman named Nancy, thought it was a very unusual weed. So she left it to grow, out of curiousity and thinking how great it would be to have something different to show off to the local garden club. It grew a lot, bigger and bigger, taking over that area of her garden. But, Nancy didn’t have the heart to pull it out when it was thriving so well.

At the beginning of July she noticed a flower pod coming up. It grew quickly and took so much energy from the plant that the rest of it began to wither. Nancy added more compost and that seemed to help. The pod became thinner so that one morning as she studied it she could see inside. It looked like a little boy was all curled up in there, sitting with his arms curled around his legs looking right back, studying her!

Nancy thought it must be kind of dull for a young person to just be sitting there so patiently. So she brought out a comfortable yard chair, some books and a light for when it got dark outside. She read to the boy. Reading about pirates, mathematics and of course important things like compost and garden snails too. The boy would smile each morning as she came out to begin her watering and then sit quietly as she spent hours and hours reading to him. Nancy was so busy she forgot to feel lonely.

At the end of September the flower opened. By then it was a full grown, middle aged man who stepped out sometime during the night and waited for Nancy to venture out in the morning. The man smiled, thinking of how surprised Nancy would be. Then he looked up, way up into space, hoping for another space seed to land soon so his cat, Clover, could live with Nancy too.

Write your own space seed adventure.

Goldfish are Carnivorous

Goldfish are carnivorous. They make look pretty empty headed, bubble brained and appear to be no threat at all. But, they do eat more than just plants. If you’ve assumed your local goldfish was harmless, you need to rethink things.

Imagine goldfish trained to be aggressive, bloodthirsty even. Someone who is really into weird, macabre stuff has put goldfish in a pond and trained them to eat meat. They begin by throwing in bigger bugs, then the odd chipmunk and then a squirrel. In a few months, just before the end of Autumn when Winter is closing in, the goldfish are tearing chunks of flesh off a side of beef. It’s almost like they have teeth! Kind of sick and twisted.

The goldfish overwinter in their pond as goldfish will. (All of ours survived this year!) But the twisted owner of the goldfish and their pond accidentally falls in when he works at chipping ice away from the top layer. He is almost instantly eaten by the goldfish who have just been waiting for a good meal to end their Winter-long fasting.

The house where the pond is eventually goes up for sale. No one really knows what happened to the owner (or several dogs and cats in the area) but he is assumed to have abandoned the place. So the city claims it and sells it cause it’s a mess and they’d rather not have to bother with it.

The new owner of the property loves fish. He soon realizes all those bones in the bottom of the pond are not just a coincidence, however. Still, he leaves up the signs for “Fluffy” just in case she comes back.

He decides to market the man-eating goldfish. People come from all over to see him drop chunks of meat into the pond and have the goldfish swarm and devour it all. He gets a nice stash of money and builds a nicer house. He even spends a bit on a monument to poor Fluffy who never did come home.

But, goldfish don’t last forever. After ten years there are just three of them left. They have grown to a huge size with appetites to match. He hasn’t had luck saving the fertilized eggs any time they have spawned, they just eat them too quickly. The remaining goldfish can’t be expected to last much longer. Still, the show must go on! So he sets up a new pond and begins training a new batch of goldfish to be man eaters. Of course, it takes time. Evolution can’t be rushed.

However, what he doesn’t realize… the original man eating goldfish feel they are not getting enough to eat, now that he is so busy training new goldfish. So they evolve a bit, just because they can. One night they evolved stronger fins, they push/ pull themselves out of the pond and push/ pull themselves along the grass and push/ pull themselves into his house. They snack on “Rover” and get a few bites of “Hunter” before the dog realizes he can run pretty well with just two and a half legs if he really has to.

For all their evolution with the fin legs, the goldfish still can’t breathe out of water for long. They can smell water in the house so they head for it. In the morning, when the home owner walks into the bathroom he finds them in the toilet bowl. After a little scream of surprise and another gasp of fear and a sigh of resignation, he gives them the big flush. The goldfish circle down the drain, on a roller coaster ride to the sewer system. They live there just fine. They breed cause down there the eggs have lots of debris to float around in, undiscovered by the parent fish.

So now you know… they’re out there.

How would you change the goldfish story? Would you rewrite it entirely with your own ideas or just edit it to add details or humour or better spelling?

The L Word in Letter Form

I just sent a love letter to my nephew. He is 13, taller than I am and full of muscles from sports he has been doing. So strange to think of him as a young man versus the little towheaded boy I looked after. He is being bugged by his parents and Grandmother and family friends about what he will do this summer. I remember how much I hated that when I was his age, endless nagging and nitpicking. I still hate it actually.

So I wrote him a love letter and sent it to him in email this afternoon. Just a bit about how great it is to see him becoming a man and watch him growing up and making decisions. On and on and on in that kind of way. Of couse the L word was dropped into the mix, twice I think. I mean it all and yet I dared not read it back to myself cause I’d start feeling sappy and have tears trickling down my face. Getting emotional is sometimes silly.

Anyway, write your own love letter to a young person in your family. Pick one out of the tree from some branch or other if you don’t have a young person in the immediate family. Get mushy, give them some sincere goo about life and changes and being a good person. It never hurts to tell someone the L word, even if you can’t actually say it in person.

Why Do Men Make Themselves Undesirable?

Conversation was interesting. He talked on and on which was good in this case. But he hardly looked at me. Kept looking out the window away from me. It was strange. I always look people in the eye when I talk to them. A few times he asked what I thought about him/ where I wanted to go from there with him. He’s the same guy who sent me two digital photos of his cock and then apologized. So he is looking for a commitment for sex but trying to pretend he has more to offer. Meanwhile he didn’t bring me so much as a flower or offer to buy me a second coffee or say anything complimentary about me. Couldn’t even look at me during the conversation. There was nothing about him or his actions that made me want to jump into bed with him.

These are my real comments about a date I went on last night. This was a man I had tried to meet 3 times before this but each time something happened. Once he was late and I had already left. The other times he did not show up but had valid reasons. Anyway, last night he was there. Said he was nervous and talked almost non-stop. But I was glad for that as I didn’t feel any romantic interest right from the start and it was easy to sit back and listen rather than try to fill in empty spaces.

No romance. He didn’t even look at me when he talked, just short glimpses to test if I was still there I guess. I think the one thing that shows the character of the date was when he (fiddling with his own glasses) turned to look at my face for a moment and asked me if I wear glasses. They were on my face, not hidden by hair, and I had been wearing them the whole time as mine are not reading glasses.

As a date it was not a disaster. A disaster would have been something aggressive I think. Or something where I left with coffee or something spilled all over me. As a date it was sad, a sad excuse for romance or passion or even mild human interest. Each of the men I have tried to meet through dating have been the same kind of story. They don’t really put any effort into the whole thing but like a spoiled little boy they still think they have every reason to expect a treat at the end. As if treats are just handed out automatically to every spoiled boy who actually shows up.

Being that I am the treat I don’t see any reason to give myself away to spoiled boys who can’t offer at least a little romance, show a little real interest and see me as a person rather than a tool or a candy treat. I think every single woman in this day and age has a story or nine about the same kind of behaviour. So lets write them down and post them to your blog of choice. Women tend to not say too much when they really feel let down by other people. Maybe that is why men think their behaviour is perfectly acceptable and can’t be bothered to even try to make themselves seem desirable any more. Write about it and post your link here so we can share stories back and forth.

Good luck on any and all future dating endeavours.

The Marriage Arrangement

It should be an interesting day for you. You’re meeting the man you’re arranged to marry. Your family picked him, made the plans and it’s all set. You just have to show up.

Kind of backwards and traditional but you said you would go along with it. Now you’re not so sure why. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

What are some things you most hope this intended husband has? Knowing there aren’t other options at this point what really is important in someone you’re going to be spending your life with?

When the Crate is Opened…

You’ve become an internationally famous belly dancer. One day you get an invitation to dance in a small Middle East country you hadn’t even heard of before. Deciding to go, the pay offered was really great and you wouldn’t mind a visit to a new place knowing you will be staying first class all the way.

On the last night of your tour, just as the curtain falls and you begin picking up the veils you dropped in dancing, a man comes backstage and grabs you. He bundles you into a crate, ignoring your struggles.

Where are you when the crate is opened and what happens next?

Do You Use the Internet Like a Man or a Woman?

This quiz was on It’s All About Me.

Your Surfing Habits are 50% Male, 50% Female

There’s no way we can tell whether you’re a man or woman.

Of all the internet users, you are the most broad based in your habits.

You use the internet for research and your career.

But you also use the internet to keep in close touch with your loved ones.

Date Salvage

You meet a blind date for breakfast with a couple of friends. As a group everyone is chatty and things seem to be going well. Your friends leave so you and your date can get to know each other without the audience. But that’s when he goes silent. You feel you should at least try to make conversation. Bringing up the topic of cars seems safe enough with a guy. But it backfires and he talks about his pet rabbit being hit and killed by a car. He goes on and on and on about it. Just when you think it can’t get much worse he admits the rabbit was killed many years ago when he was 20.

Do you want to salvage this date or does bunny man sound like too much work?