Getting Into Audio

I bought an MP3 player. Thought it would get me out walking since it’s not something I look forward to with delight each day. Just trying to figure out how to use it, how to get music on it.

My Mom started listening to radio online too. I haven’t looked into this side of things much at all. Podcasts, radio online and downloading music has not been something I thought I would get into. Just goes to show how fate likes to prove you wrong.

Tonight I am going to join in the KOL Radio broadcast to talk and listen to DJHeartless. If she has time I know she can tell me what I need to get started on the audio side of online explorations.

Your Whale Song

You’re on a leaking boat in the middle of the ocean. We won’t go into the details of how you ended up there, it’s just another annoying story about an insurance scam gone wrong. So there you are, slowly sinking. The waves are nice. Getting kind of big. Even knowing you’re likely to drown you can sit back and enjoy the majesty and power of the waves as they carry you to your doom.

You notice a sparkle of metal at the bottom of the boat, under the water. It’s a flute. Deciding you’re not doing much else you begin to play. Takes a bit for the water to blow out before it makes any musical sound. But, it keeps your hands busy for awhile.

Whales begin to surround you. Just one at first. As you keep playing (lets be honest, it’s more like flute noise than flute music, you never learned how to play the flute) more whales show up. Soon they are actually holding your boat on their backs, out of the water. You’re not sinking and the water is even draining out now instead of in. You keep playing, thinking that as long as the whales hang around you can at least enjoy a little more time to feel the spray of the ocean on your face. Likely they’ll get tired of listening to you and wander off eventually.

They don’t. Those lovely whales actually drop your boat off on the shore. Up the beach you can see a hotel. The sign even seems to be in English. What last flute song do you play to thank the whales before you pick up your water logged purse and run up the beach?

Thursday Thirteen: Your Ad Here

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen things you should do to peeve off readers of your blog. Because readers aren’t everything…

1. Make sure you have a bunch of ads appearing on top of the screen, before they even see a first post. Make them EARN the right to see your greatness.

2. Don’t add a link back to your home/ front page. Really, once they’ve clicked away what do you need them back for?

3. Make sure you show them how much you value them as paying customers. Write “Your Ad Here” all over your blog.

4. Use pop up ads. That will really get their attention, they won’t forget you any time soon. Might even tell a few friends.

5. Make them register to see your site. Think of all the email addresses you can snag that way.

6. Use word verification for any comments they try to make. Make sure it’s in some kind of really tiny (or script) font so it won’t be too easy to read. As an added bonus choose colours like blue on black, or something people who are colour blind or otherwise disabled can’t see. That will spare you from all that reader feedback.

7. Put your Google and Alexa rank in prominent places on your blog. Show off your best achievements. Make lots of posts about your blog traffic, your blog stats and how much money your blog is going to make. People just can’t read enough of that.

8. Run at least one long ad down your sidebar with a graphic that flashes and spins and possibly causes seizures in some people. Just plain motion sickness in others.

9. Add videos and music files that will take at least 15 minutes to load for anyone with a less than great Internet connection.

10. Forget all that spelling and grammar and punctuation from school. It’s much more fun to make your own rules and let them figure it out.

11. Run paid ads as regular posts make it sound like you sincerely use the product and fully love it, don’t let on that you’ve been paid for your opinion and your post. Why spoil it for them?

12. Every now and then, just to shake things up, get an ad that takes over your blog. The kind that loads your blog partly and then changes to another page over your blog which is, of course, just a huge ad. This works really well if it’s an adult ad.

13. Run groupings of text link ads between your blog posts. Just like flossing your teeth, it gives your blog readers that little something extra.

14. (An added bonus) Put up an ad for one of those contests they have already won that sends them off to a second site which collects their email and cell phone number. By the time they actually win a free gift card for $5 they’ve given away enough information about themselves to have their identity stolen. All thanks to you, I’m sure that $5 will come in handy.

15. (Another addition) Run something that causes every fifth word in your post to become a hyper link which sends readers to some spam search engine or other junk or sales stuff they don’t want. This is great camouflage for your real links, no one needed to find those anyway.

Finally, good luck. Get more ideas by looking at other blogs. They’re out there!

Sense of Writing

The act of writing is very much about the five senses. But, how do we know there are only five?

I’ve wondered if there are other basic senses we just don’t know about. I don’t mean a sixth sense like ESP. Beyond those metaphysical senses. What if there is something just as physical as sight but since we don’t have eyes we can’t see it?

We know music because it’s a sound and we can hear sounds. Hearing is one of our five senses (sight, touch, smell, taste and hearing). We know what we like to eat because we can smell and taste it. It seems to be there could be other things we will never know, things we aren’t equipped to sense.

I have no idea what other sense we might be missing. How could I? I don’t have the sense to figure it out. But, it does seem possible for something like that to exist. After all, there would be no music if we couldn’t hear it. Just as there would be no words if we couldn’t read them.